Dating is supposed to be fun.

But, dating is on the decline according to the Child Trends research. High school is often when many teens experience their first serious relationship. Part of the reason officially dating may be on the decline is because many individuals will claim that they are just “talking”. Regardless, these connections can lead to a roller coaster of emotions including being exciting, supportive and meaningful—but sometimes they can also turn unhealthy and even harmful. The truth is, not all relationships are good ones, and it’s important to recognize the warning signs—or red flags—before things get out of control. 

“Every year, millions of teenagers face the hidden scars of dating abuse, revealing alarming statistics that expose a crisis of control, fear, and violence affecting youth across the nation.” Jannik Linder, co-founder of Gitnux, said in his report on Dating Abuse Statistics.

One of the biggest and most common red flags in a relationship is control. If your partner constantly wants to know where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing, that’s not caring—that’s controlling. It might start with something small, like asking for your phone’s password or checking your location. But over time, this behavior can lead to jealousy, isolation, and pressure to change who you are or who you hang out with. This includes keeping secrets from those close to you, including family. A healthy relationship is built on trust, not surveillance.

According to the report performed by the market research platform Gitnux, “The majority of teen dating violence cases involve controlling behaviors such as isolating the victim from friends and family.”

Another major red flag is disrespect. If your partner calls you names, makes fun of you in public or private, or dismisses your opinions, that’s not love. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, even during disagreements. Disrespect can also show up as sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or constant criticism disguised as “jokes”. Oftentimes these types of comments are meant to hurt and control you and your mental health. If it hurts your feelings, it’s disrespectful.

Also if your partner is constantly cutting you off, dismissing your thoughts or dominating conversations it can signal a lack of value for your voice. Remember that your voice matters.

A red flag that often gets overlooked is rushing the relationship. If your partner says “I love you” too soon, talks about forever in the first month or pressures you into being exclusive before you’re ready, that’s worth paying attention to. Healthy relationships grow with time. Rushing can be a tactic to gain emotional control before you really get to know the person,, which often leads to bonding with the idea of a person, not the full picture of who a person truly is.

When a relationship is moving quickly, you are less likely to notice warning signings — like controlling behaviors, jealousy, or dishonesty — until you are already too invested. 

Manipulation is a more subtle red flag, but it’s just as dangerous as the first two. This can look like guilt-tripping you into doing things you’re uncomfortable with, twisting your words or making you feel like you’re always the one in the wrong. If you’re always apologizing and second-guessing yourself, take a step back and ask why. 

Finally, any form of fear or pressure is a clear signal something is wrong. You should never feel afraid to be honest, express your feelings, or say no. Love should never make you feel small, scared, or stuck.

If you recognize any of these red flags in your relationship or a friend’s, talk to someone you trust—a parent, school counselor, teacher or even a friend. It’s never too late to get support and no one should have to navigate an unhealthy relationship alone.

Teen relationships should be about mutual respect, support, and most importantly fun—not fear, control or stress. Don’t ignore the red flags just because you want the relationship to work. Love should lift you up, not tear you down. And if a friend or loved one is reaching out to you to identify a red flag in your relationship, don’t be so quick to get angry, take some time and a step back to consider the validity of their concerns.