I will be me

While I sit in my senior AP English IV classroom I watch students express their thoughts and opinions in discussion. At times I quietly sit back and consider my soon-to-be reality as a college student at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. College is a time young adults are told to explore different ideas in order to decide what they want to do with their lives and who they want to be.

I prepare myself mentally for that class every day telling myself to keep an open mind because everyone needs to be heard. As I take into account the comments by my peers, I compare to the basic principles and beliefs I have tested my entire life and now know to be true. I still listen and try to understand where each individual is coming from; as I listen, a thought pops into my head about how I hope that this class is at least good preparation for what I will face in my intended field of study, psychology, but as the period is almost over I realize I had not said a single word in the discussion. My opinion is different from everyone else, and I fear that I will not be able to adequately express it. I took this course to challenge myself, not to boast about my intelligence to other students in discussion. I came to learn, not to preach.

The class ends. Not every day was like today; sometimes I am able to make comments with the utmost conviction, and some days I realize it is more important to just listen. Walking to meet my lunch group, I think again about college. Who will I be? Will I change as much as people say I will? Do I have to change my ideas about everything? My mind snaps out of what seems to be a terrifying downward spiral and answers my questions with, “You will be Maisie, you will love to help people, you will get giddy when you understand what you are studying, you will stay up late to make sure you are as prepared as you possibly can be, you will take time to sit outside just to view nature, you will keep in contact with your family even though you know communication is one of your family’s greatest weakness, you will have many loose papers throughout your things with many to do lists written in the margins while trying to stay organized while still having fun, you will do your very best to stay positive no matter what happens, you will be Maisie.”

I make eye contact and smile at my friends, content with the answer I had just formulated and happy to see people I care about. I do not have to think just like them, and I do not expect them to think like me. That is what makes everyone interesting. Each opinion should be considered important and challenged, no matter how firm you are in your beliefs. You find yourself through challenges. I try not to worry about everything and enjoy life the best way I know.  There will be other unexpected challenges that go along with college life and the life that follows, but I know I have made the right choice. I am ready to take another step.